Rabbi Shmuley: Of course. It really depends on the individual needs of the family, but probably half of the families we work with have a continuing need for counseling. In four of the cases, I did that counseling myself. The aftercare that I provided really made a difference, so much so that it saved one of the families from near-certain divorce. I should mention that I don't believe I gave them any wisdom or insight that they themselves lacked. I've discovered that while counseling is about imparting wisdom, it is mostly about imparting inspiration. People know right and wrong, and the real purpose of the counselor is to inspire people to choose the right and reject the wrong. It's a very difficult dance because on the one hand, the purpose of our show is not to create a dependency between the family and me. I want to be their friend, but not a crutch. On the other hand, there are families where I know that only I at that moment can provide the counseling they need because of the deep connection made between us on the show. And I'm very proud of the fact that I remain in close contact with most of the families today. Indeed, the family that aired tonight, the Herrons - Greg lost his father about 3 weeks ago, and he and his family came and spent a Friday night dinner with me and my family and we tried to give him comfort.
Bob Whaler: How much input should grandparents have in their grandchildren’s upbringing?
Rabbi Shmuley: I am a great believer in the power of mentoring. Grandparents are our ideal mentors because they have the proximity of close family, and yet the distance of two generations. In that sense, because the relationship is not as intense as the parent/child bond, grandparents can often get through to their grandchildren in a way that even parents cannot. A child sometimes has an inborn resistance to parental authority. So I am a great believer in the extended family. And thank you for an excellent question!
Starsplitter: Rabbi, my wife and I love each other just like the day we met, but after 23 years of marriage, we are growing apart due to sex. I mean, she seldom wants physical interchange while I crave it, I think, in a normal way. What to do?
Rabbi Shmuley: By and large (and I apologize ahead of time for an answer that may offend, although it's not my intention), the weakening of the wife's libido is usually due primarily to a husband not making his wife feel sufficiently desirable. Sexuality is a total statement of the health of a relationship. Husbands dare not be sexual only in the evening - they need to make their wives feel beautiful and desirable all day because doing so stokes the fires of passion. So for now, I wouldn't worry that your wife may be less sexual than you are; I would focus on making her feel desirable at all times and I believe the physical desire will follow.
Nesha: Are you a conservative Rabbi or Orthodox?
Rabbi Shmuley: Orthodox. And I see no contradiction in being fully human and fully Orthodox, and I hope you see none either.
Rerrah: What would you say to someone who parents through daycare and barely sees their children in the morning and at night? That cannot be healthy.
Rabbi Shmuley: Firstly, I'm sympathetic to the family's needs and that mothers today are often counted on to provide an essential second income. Having said that, the greatest gift we give our children (and I made this point today on the Oprah show) is not the gift of possessions, but the gift of ourselves. Better to minimize the standard of living to be more available to our children. Children need their parents' attention. Like a hurricane that grows stronger when it's over warm water, children grow stronger when they're in the presence of their parents. We dare not allow our children to grow weak due to our absence.
