TLC: Welcome to our live chat with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, an Oxford-trained theologian and philosopher who's written a dozen-plus books on relationships and families and counseled thousands of people through difficulties with marriage, parenting, sex and self-worth. He's ready and willing to answer as many questions as you can ask in one hour's time. So ask away. Stay tuned for more new episodes of "Shalom In the Home," Mondays at 10/9c.

Rabbi Shmuley: I want to thank everyone for watching "Shalom in the Home." I hope you will take to heart the lessons we try to impart - bringing greater tranquility and shalom into your own home.

AleMegXan: How can I get my ex to step up and be a real dad instead of just an "every other weekend obligation” father?

Rabbi Shmuley: Inspire him to be a dad. There's a hidden hero inside. Sit with him, and tell him, “Although sadly our marriage did not work out, we have a child together and that child needs you. He/she will only ever have one father, and that is you. Nothing I can do as the mother can compensate for any void left by you in your child's life. I believe in you. And more importantly, your child needs you.” In short, inspire your ex to find his latent inner hero.

Housebound: Hi Shmuley. I am a stay-at-home mom. My husband works his booty off, but I still resent the fact that I am stuck at home with the kids. He appreciates me, but I am still angry sometimes. What do you advise?

Rabbi Shmuley: A healthy marriage involves healthy and forthright communication. Do not harbor inner resentment and don't allow it to fester. You must tell him that you're bitter because you don't feel that your contribution to the family is being sufficiently appreciated. Tell him that what you do for the family is as valuable as what he does. You need to be validated through his appreciation and acknowledgment. Also, try to find either a job or a hobby that you can do for a minimum of 12 hours a week that is not related to housework so you can feel that you have a contribution to make as an individual, and not only as a wife and mother.

Elehman: I have a 14 year old stepson who has been increasingly getting out of control, failing classes, talking back to his mother, refusing to help out at home and abusing his younger brother and sister. We don’t want him to go over the edge to the point that we lose him. Any ideas?

Rabbi Shmuley: 14 year old children should really be innocent. If they're acting up with that level of anger, they're probably crying out for attention. What you have is a very angry child, and your responsibility is to get to the heart of their anger. Perhaps they feel that you don't treat them the same way you treat your biological children, if you have biological children. Perhaps he's angry his other parent is not living with him. Whatever it is, take the child for a long drive (and I say a drive so you don't have to have the discomfort of looking into each other's eyes). Get him to open up. Get him to talk to you. Say to him, "I know you're a good boy. I know you have love in your heart and that you wouldn't behave this way if something weren't really bothering you. I love you. Don't think I don't care about you.” If you get to the root cause of the anger, you will change the behavior.

Morgensa: Do you have advice for families that can't seem to get a post-college kid out of the house? My nephew is 25 years old, not working steady jobs, and still living at home. His parents are afraid of alienating him or upsetting him (he's had emotional issues in past). What advice can you give them about setting limits and helping him get over his fear of going out into the world?

Rabbi Shmuley: Necessity is the mother of invention. A 25 year old should not be supported unless they are severely incapacitated and can't support themselves. I don't believe in cutting off support suddenly, but I believe in cutting it off gradually. At 25, he is a man and expected to be independent and self-reliant. Cutting off of financial support should be accompanied by increased emotional support and inspiration. Tell him that he has a gift to contribute to the world, that G-d endowed him with a unique contribution to make that is possessed by no one else. By wasting his life, he is committing a sacrilege, not only against himself and against G-d, but against the world at large whom he is depriving of his own unique contribution. Then ask him to identify what three things he thinks he's good at. What are his unique gifts? If it's a capacity to listen and empathize, he can start working as a volunteer or with abused children or as an assistant to a social worker. Is he good with his hands? Let him apprentice himself to an electrician, plumber, or car mechanic. Finally, tell him that his happiness is dependent on his ability to be productive, because no one who lives the life of an inanimate object can take pride in themselves. So in short, cut off the support but offer emotional support instead of financial.

Brookie: I heard you say on Oprah that men are not celebrated for just being good everyday men. What are some ways we can celebrate our men in our homes?

Rabbi Shmuley: Excellent question! If you're a wife, Brookie, tell your husband that he's a hero to you because he's faithful and honorable. Praise him for being a stand up guy. Tell him how much his children look up to him and admire him, which is a far greater achievement than being a hero to the world. Make it clear to him that he inspires you because he's a gentleman, that you never wanted diamonds or riches from him, but you wanted a man you could respect. You got that, and you consider as a woman that that is life's greatest blessing. In short, make him feel that he's a human being and not a human doing.

Evan-NYC: Why did you decide to become a rabbi?

Rabbi Shmuley: Another very good question. I wasn't smart enough to be a doctor! In addition, my parents divorced when I was 8. It was a cataclysm from which I will never fully recover. There were some tragedies that cannot be whitewashed, so there is a part of me that will forever mourn the tragedy of my family. And even now at the age of 39, I still wish my parents were back together. Becoming a rabbi was for me the route to heal myself by healing others, and to live with my own darkness by trying to bring spiritual light to others.

Mom: Rabbi, my daughter has an attitude and a big mouth. What should I do?

Rabbi Shmuley: Number one, you have to draw a line in the sand and make it clear to her that notwithstanding how much you love her, there are certain forms of behavior that are unacceptable and will not be tolerated. Any kind of insolence toward the parent is intolerable, unacceptable, and you will not put up with it. Any rude behavior toward a parent will be met with an appropriate punishment. After you make it clear what you won't tolerate, after you've used the left hand of severity, use the right hand of compassion. Speak to her and inspire her as to who she wants to be. Sit with her and say to her, "I know this is not who you want to be. I know that you want to be a good person, because I know you are a good person. You don't understand that when you speak to me this way, you're not being a good person.” Don't give her a vision of what you want her to be; give her a vision of what she wants to be. Let her hear her inner voice of compassion that gives her a vision of what she wants to be in her life. All too often, we parents lecture our kids about what they want to do, like becoming a veterinarian or an astronaut. But the more important question is what do you want to be - a good person, or a bad person. A good person behaves respectfully to their parents, always.

Dblaxel Girl: I am known at work as the president of the Rabbi Shmuley fan club! I really use a lot of your advice in my day to day life. Thank you so much. My question for you is how can I balance my 4 and 6 year old with my workaholic husband and myself running my own business, our home and our children's needs? My husband seems detached - how can I reel him in again?

Rabbi Shmuley: From my experience, the detached husband is part of the syndrome I call the Broken American Male. The Broken American Male feels he is a failure because he has not realized his professional ambitions or dreams. He lives in a culture which allows masculine achievement in only 2 areas - money and celebrity. Men who feel like failures pursue flights of fancy. They detach themselves because they find that reality is too painful. They also find it difficult to appreciate and love their wives, because the man who believes that he is a big zero believes that the woman who was stupid enough to marry him is a double zero. The way you get your husband to re-engage is to make him believe in himself. Convince him of how much you need him, that you not only love him but you need and believe in him. The family needs a head. The children need the sun that will shine its light upon them, and then when he lives in outer space, his children just slump without any trajectory and are lost. Tell him he is the light, and that you and the children need him in your lives.

Melanie: First, I want to thank you for featuring a loving, successful lesbian couple on your show. As a Reform Jew, my movement is very sensitive to gay and lesbian issues. As a Rabbi, have you faced any backlash from that episode?

Rabbi Shmuley: I have faced a great deal of backlash from my position on homosexuality in general. That episode was just part. I have a gay brother who is an Orthodox Jew. Both he and I seriously believe what the Bible says about life. But he is who he is, and my brother, I believe, is a finer human being than I am. He's a better son to his mother, he is a more compassionate human being, and he strives his best to serve G-d and lead a religious life, even though he's gay. My message to gay men and women has always been that while I acknowledge the Bible's prohibition because I am an Orthodox Jew, I still believe that G-d loves every human being equally and that He placed me on this earth to bestow dignity on all of His creatures. Let us remember that homosexuality is but one prohibition in the Bible. Why is it that religious individuals have chosen to highlight this one prohibition as the be-all and end-all of religious faith is something that I don't quite comprehend. I can only say that it speaks to a deep prejudice among religions individuals toward gay men and women. My message to gay men and women has always been that yes, the Bible has a prohibition on homosexuality, but that should never stop any of us from loving G-d, praying to G-d, being loved by G-d. The rabbi or the priest who makes a gay man or woman feel unwelcome in a synagogue or church is guilty of an abomination against G-d and a crime against the human family. While I am not here to condone gay relationships, I was moved and inspired by the unconditional commitment that those two women on our show showed to their children. They are incredible and loving parents, and I feel connected to them to this very day.

Drkml: Rabbi, do you ever recommend that the TV families seek help beyond the limits of the show?

Rabbi Shmuley: Of course. It really depends on the individual needs of the family, but probably half of the families we work with have a continuing need for counseling. In four of the cases, I did that counseling myself. The aftercare that I provided really made a difference, so much so that it saved one of the families from near-certain divorce. I should mention that I don't believe I gave them any wisdom or insight that they themselves lacked. I've discovered that while counseling is about imparting wisdom, it is mostly about imparting inspiration. People know right and wrong, and the real purpose of the counselor is to inspire people to choose the right and reject the wrong. It's a very difficult dance because on the one hand, the purpose of our show is not to create a dependency between the family and me. I want to be their friend, but not a crutch. On the other hand, there are families where I know that only I at that moment can provide the counseling they need because of the deep connection made between us on the show. And I'm very proud of the fact that I remain in close contact with most of the families today. Indeed, the family that aired tonight, the Herrons - Greg lost his father about 3 weeks ago, and he and his family came and spent a Friday night dinner with me and my family and we tried to give him comfort.

Bob Whaler: How much input should grandparents have in their grandchildren’s upbringing?

Rabbi Shmuley: I am a great believer in the power of mentoring. Grandparents are our ideal mentors because they have the proximity of close family, and yet the distance of two generations. In that sense, because the relationship is not as intense as the parent/child bond, grandparents can often get through to their grandchildren in a way that even parents cannot. A child sometimes has an inborn resistance to parental authority. So I am a great believer in the extended family. And thank you for an excellent question!

Starsplitter: Rabbi, my wife and I love each other just like the day we met, but after 23 years of marriage, we are growing apart due to sex. I mean, she seldom wants physical interchange while I crave it, I think, in a normal way. What to do?

Rabbi Shmuley: By and large (and I apologize ahead of time for an answer that may offend, although it's not my intention), the weakening of the wife's libido is usually due primarily to a husband not making his wife feel sufficiently desirable. Sexuality is a total statement of the health of a relationship. Husbands dare not be sexual only in the evening - they need to make their wives feel beautiful and desirable all day because doing so stokes the fires of passion. So for now, I wouldn't worry that your wife may be less sexual than you are; I would focus on making her feel desirable at all times and I believe the physical desire will follow.

Nesha: Are you a conservative Rabbi or Orthodox?

Rabbi Shmuley: Orthodox. And I see no contradiction in being fully human and fully Orthodox, and I hope you see none either.

Rerrah: What would you say to someone who parents through daycare and barely sees their children in the morning and at night? That cannot be healthy.

Rabbi Shmuley: Firstly, I'm sympathetic to the family's needs and that mothers today are often counted on to provide an essential second income. Having said that, the greatest gift we give our children (and I made this point today on the Oprah show) is not the gift of possessions, but the gift of ourselves. Better to minimize the standard of living to be more available to our children. Children need their parents' attention. Like a hurricane that grows stronger when it's over warm water, children grow stronger when they're in the presence of their parents. We dare not allow our children to grow weak due to our absence.

LaRae 240: How do you inspire a husband who feels trapped by his family and everything it represents?

Rabbi Shmuley: A lot of husbands, either because of a mid-life crisis or being overwhelmed by family responsibilities, begin to disengage from the family and feel imprisoned. To be sure, this is an immature response. To be a man is to step up to the plate and honor one's responsibilities, none more so than to one's family. And yet, the purpose is not to confront your husband and make him feel like a failure because he is shirking his responsibilities. The effective way is to appeal to his inner hero. I believe we are all born to be heroes, but not the kind of hero for whom equestrian statues are erected or for whom is fired a 21-gun salute. The kind of heroes who do not conquer the world, but simply conquer themselves. Talk to him. Get him to understand that his greatness is found through his commitment to his family. It's not incarcerating, it's liberating. It's those who run from responsibility who discover their own mediocrity. The man who never cheats on his wife, the man who is always available to his children is one of the great men of history, even if no Hollywood films will ever be made of his existence. Indeed, he is so sturdy on the inside that he does not need to be immortalized by the masses. He takes strength from a loving and devoted family.

Louie: My parents have given up the will to keep their health up. They are out of shape and avoid treatments. How can I motivate them to get back on track?

Rabbi Shmuley: Tell them that you need them in your life, that you want them to be around for a long long time, that they are being selfish because they're forgetting that they're not just individuals, but that they're parents. You're not out to make them feel guilty, but to inspire them to assume the mantle of parental responsibility

Evan: Rabbi, I have lost any semblance of spirituality. How do I regain spirituality?

Rabbi Shmuley: By remembering that spirituality is not something we feel, it's something we do. So go to synagogue or go to church, depending on your religion. Open a prayer book and pray. Give 10% of your income to the poor. Honor your father and mother. Volunteer your time for valuable causes. So many of us wait around for some epiphany to strike us, some spiritual thunderbolt that will set our soul aflame when really, what ignites the embers of our souls is G_dly deed and G_dly action.

Evan-NYC: How can a mother, a father, and a young man of 16 find peace in a studio apartment in Manhattan?

Rabbi Shmuley: I take my kids RVing all the time. We just got back from a trip yesterday, and we are a mother and father and eight children, and usually a friend or two, all crammed into close quarters. It's probably a lot smaller than a studio apartment in Manhattan! Do we always have peace? No. In fact, there's often fighting. But I never blame it on the pressures caused by a confining space. I always blame it on my inability to assimilate the pressures caused by a confining space. Look at navy ships: you have 5000 sailors sleeping in hammocks below deck, but because of their commitment to a higher cause - their country, the military - they never fight. They fight the enemy, not each other. So too, if you devote yourself to the higher cause of the family, you will see the small apartment as a blessing because it causes you all to interact. No one can escape to their room where they can slam the door. That's why I love the RV: it makes my children into a captive audience!

Maggi315: How do you handle all the daily needs of so many children? I feel so overwhelmed dealing with 5 kids every day and become easily frustrated dealing with all their needs each day.

Rabbi Shmuley: My kids are all sitting around me listening to this webchat. (I let them stay up late because they don't have school tomorrow.) I confess that it's not always easy addressing all their needs, but it is certainly always rewarding. The fact is that I adore being a father. I LOVE it. I'm not just saying that for public consumption. Even when I'm pulling my beard out with all the pressures of having 8 kids dance around me, five minutes later I'm restored to the blissful state of just adoring being a parent. Whenever I go to historical places, I love teaching my kids to revere the place they're in. I love imparting my passion to them. I love seeing them grow up. Just tonight, I took all my kids to the grave of a famous rabbi who died 12 years ago, where we all prayed. My little 11 year old daughter shamed me. While I prayed for personal things - the success of a show or a book - she honestly prayed that G-d give food to all the hungry people. My children teach me goodness.

TLC: Rabbi Shmuley, thank you for sharing your insight and advice with us tonight. Do you have any final comments to make, before we close?

Rabbi Shmuley: I love all of you for your kindness to me, for the beautiful warm comments you've sent to me through this entire television season. You've touched my heart. I really feel we've built a "Shalom in the Home" community of people who have made a vow to themselves that whatever else they may fail at in life, they will not fail with their families. It's a pleasure to be part of so blessed a community. G-d bless you all, and please always stay in touch. If you want to communicate with me, you can always check my website at www.shmuley.com.

TLC: Well, thanks for joining our live chat. Stay tuned to TLC.com/shalom for more "Shalom In the Home" exclusive video, photos and more.