What motivates your child's behavior?

Children, like adults, have a great need to feel loved and have a sense of belonging. But whereas an adult is aware that we are all individuals and separate from each other, a young child is egocentric - believing that he is the center of your world, and you are the center of his. He or she gets his or her early sense of self-worth from the level and kind of attention that they receive from you, the parent/s.

As a result, small children are attention-seekers. They love getting your interest as it reinforces their sense of security and identity. They learn from an early age what kinds of behavior capture your attention - and whatever it is, you will get more of it! In simple terms: if you pay more attention to your child when they are 'good' than when they are 'bad', you will get more good behavior than bad behavior. But, if you are short on praise and long on telling off, your child may well respond by increasing their naughty behavior - because being naughty is what gets him or her noticed.

This behavioral pattern becomes more complicated where there is discord or unhappiness in the family. Children often believe themselves to be the cause of problems in the home and that they are natural 'fixers'. The 'fixing' does not always come across in a constructive fashion, but it will succeed in getting your attention - which is the desired result.

There were several couples in the House of Tiny Tearaways who acknowledged that they would probably have drifted apart had concern about their child's behavior not kept them communicating. A child who is distressed by parental rows and antagonism soon learns that if they 'draw fire' mummy and daddy will start talking again. It's their bad behavior that unites the parents.

Not every child has major problems. A situation does not need to be extreme for you to feel that your child has behavioral issues that you would like some help with. Sometimes the behavioral 'blip' can be the simple result of parents trying to juggle too many responsibilities in a busy lifestyle, and not planning how and when to spend enough time with their child.

 

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