Dr. Tanya's Top Tips for Parenting

Be the Adult
* Realize that your child needs a responsible parent, not a buddy.
* Be a positive role model for your child.

Plan Ahead
* Develop a routine - and stick to it.
* Expect your child to play up when you are out - and take toys or games with you.

Keep Calm
* Remember: a parent who is in control will be respected.
* Control your breathing by slowing it down and breathing through your diaphragm.
* Focus on relaxing your muscles: unfurrow your brow, relax your shoulders, unclench your fists or toes.
* Think about the non-verbal message you are giving out.
* If a child sees you are anxious they'll become anxious too.

Watch Your Attitude
* Be positive and constructive as often as possible.

Speak Up
* Develop assertiveness skills.
* Project your voice with authority.
* Use body language to reinforce what you're saying.
* Manage your anger.
* Practice assertiveness skills.
* Remove yourself physically or mentally from sources of stress.
* Take time out if you're about to 'blow'.

Listen
* Don't talk at, listen to.
* Believe your child has something to say.
* Let your child lead on occasion.
* Be patient with their style of communication.
* Use drawing and play to find out what they are thinking.

Compromise
* Resolve contradictory parenting styles.
* Allow your child to negotiate sometimes.
* Don't expect perfection - or you'll always be disappointed.

Keep Off Limits
* Don't argue in front of the children.
* Don't smack.
* Don't scream and shout.
* Be aware of the past.
* Understand that your past affects your parenting.
* Be aware of unresolved grief and unfinished business.
* Find ways of resolving past issues.
* If you are suffering hurt and pain, ask for help, if you need it.

Let Go
* Let your child grow up.
* Allow them to make their own mistakes: remember that's how we learn.
* Recognize that life is not about keeping your child artificially happy.

Find A Balance
* You are more than a parent, you are a person too.
* Try not to live your life through your child.

I'm Worth It
* Make time for you too.
* Nurture self-esteem.
* Believe in your self.

Make Couple Time
* Plan time for yourselves alone.
* Talk about topics that do not involve work or the children.
* Take time to connect with each other.
* Make time and space for yourselves as a couple (without the children).

Your Commitment
* Consider drawing up a parenting contract to reaffirm your expectations of your self, your co-parent and your child.

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